


Words He Doesn't Say

by romanticalgirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:50:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 9/4/99</p>
    </blockquote>





	Words He Doesn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 9/4/99

Willow climbs out of bed and walks to the window, not noting her nakedness or the cool temperature of the room. She glances out the window at the moonlight, realizing absentmindedly that the full moon should be in just a few days.

Basement duty again. 

Not that she minds basement duty. It's one of the things she knew she was getting into when she and Oz got married. It was one of the things that she knew she'd have to live with the rest of her life. And it was all right. When she'd promised that, it had been a day filled with love and promise and forever. 

But tonighttonight as she had lain beneath Oz, her legs wrapped around him, she had looked up into his eyes and realized he didn't love her anymore. There was no fire, no passion anymore. His perfunctory kisses and hugs, his aloof attitude, his lack of desire to touch her, his ready willingness to let her touch him. 

They hadn't had sex in forever. He'd been more than happy to have her coax him to orgasm with her hand or her mouth, but he'd never been in the mood to make love to her. 

Until tonight. She'd actually gone so far as to ask him if they could, to make an appointment with her husband to love her. He'd said yes in a joking manner and she'd hoped for the best. 

Looking over at the bed, she sees him sleeping, perfectly sated. She turns to the bathroom, carrying the small cassette player with her. Running a hot bath, she picks the cassette out of the basket on the dresser and slips it in the machine. 

Oz doesn't know she has this tape, probably wouldn't care if he did. Xander had left Sunnydale to become an actor, of all things, and was currently starring on Broadway in a production of "Romance, Romance." He'd been getting rave reviews and she wanted nothing more than to see him perform. 

Glancing back at the bedroom, she sighs lightly. Well, maybe there was something she wanted more. 

She slips down into the tub, immersing herself in the warm water, losing her sad thoughts in the scented oils. Buffy had told her ages ago that nothing made you feel better than a hot bath with oils that were normally only found in plants. 

She was right. 

She closes her eyes and leans her head back on the plastic pillow, inhaling the damp soothing air. The tape recorder stops rewinding and starts playing, and Xander's voice fills the small room. 

_"There are words he doesn't say,_  
Softly in your ear.  
There are words he doesn't say,  
Words you need to hear.  
There are places that he doesn't go  
That he used to go before.  
There are words he doesn't say  
And you miss them more and more."

When was the last time he'd told her he loved her and meant it? When was the last time he'd said one of those sweet non-sequiters that filled her with such happiness and light? Where were the times when he couldn't help but touch her? 

Where had they gone? 

_"He doesn't say he admires you_  
He doesn't praise you very much  
He doesn't say that he desires you  
Or that he hungers for your touch.  
So many words he doesn't use now,  
Those little names you used to share  
And there are days he blows his fuse now  
And there are nights he's just not there."

Band practice keeps him away from her all the time, tying up his hours so that he doesn't have the time to spend with her. He never touches her anymore, not the way he used to. It used to be that he would walk into a room and find a way, a reason to hold her hand or stroke her hair. He used to tell her how cute she was, how much he loved the little idiosyncrasies she had. 

_"There are words he left behind_  
As the years went by  
There are words that come to mind  
Words that make you cry.  
You have seen the gap between you grow,  
It gets wider every day  
And you wonder what's behind  
All the words he doesn't say."

Even the hot water can't wash away the anger behind the argument they had the day before when she'd asked him what was going on between them. He'd been furious, in his quiet way, questioning her accusations, wondering if they were founded in guilt of her own. 

She'd spent the night crying into her pillow, long after he'd fallen asleep. He'd rolled over onto his side and dismissed her and her fears. He'd forgotten their 7th anniversary and when she'd given him his present - a new guitar - he'd kissed her forehead and left the house, late for practice because of her. 

_"He used to say what he was feeling_  
And there were dreams that he'd confide  
He used to say words so revealing  
That you could see the pain inside.  
Now there are no words left for hurting  
He leaves you hanging in the air.  
And there are no words left for flirting  
Or running fingers through your hair."

After their first night together, he'd been more vocal about his feelings and emotions, never feeling that he needed to protect her from the intensity of what he felt. He'd never overwhelm her with his emotions, simply imparting them in a single word before coming to her for comfort. And she'd loved to give it. She had wanted nothing more than to be the shelter in the storms of his life. 

Then he'd stopped. No words, nothing. It was as though he'd forgotten how to communicate with her and she was lost in silence. He didn't touch her. He didn't love her. She'd seen it in his eyes just a few long minutes ago. Hollow eyes, filled with nothing. No emotions, no words. 

Losing herself in an artificial world of comfort wasn't going to change it. She blinks rapidly, surprised at the tears. She'd thought them long gone. Closing her eyes again, needing whatever peace she can find to make up her mind, she lets Xander's voice wash over her once again. Funny how, even thousands of miles away, he can know what she's thinking. 

_"There are words he doesn't say_  
Though you wish he would  
There are words he doesn't say  
In the way I would  
For the truth is you deserve them so  
And they're long past overdue.  
All the words he doesn't say  
Are the words I'd say to you.  
To you."

***

The streets of New York are crowded, the subways are noisy, the smells overwhelming, the sights and the sounds like an out of control orchestra. Standing on Broadway, she stares at the theaters, wondering at what she's done, at what she's about to do. 

She makes her way to the back of the theater, thankful that Disney has cleaned up Times Square, although her soft heart goes out to the displaced homeless and everyone else that didn't fit the corporate image. She'd climbed out of the tub, dressed, packed a few things, hastily scribbled a note and headed straight for the airport. 

Now she was standing outside a strange theater in a strange town, waiting to find out if she'd just made the second biggest mistake of her life. The door swings open and crew members stream out. The matinee is over and she's about to find out if Broadway is going to hold her big break as well. She sneaks past those leaving and winds through the corridors backstage. 

There's a star on one of the doors, with two names written on it. One of them simply says "Harris." She knocks, trying to catch her breath through the ball of worry and fear in her chest. It swings open and she finds herself looking into the deep, brown eyes of her best friend. 

"Hey Xander." 

"Wills?" His eyes widen in shock and he takes a few moments to recover before he wraps her up in his arms. "What in the hell are you doing in New York? Why didn't you call? WhatWillow!" He hugs her tightly one more time before letting her go. His hands still hold hers though, as he looks at her. 

"I left Oz." 

"At the hotel?" 

"He doesn't love me anymore, Xander. I don't love him anymore. There arethere are words he doesn't say." 

He smiles his understanding. "Oh, Willow"

"And I know it's just a song and it's not the way you feel, but I need a friend, Xan"

"Willow?" 

She looks up to meet his eyes, surprised to find the love she hasn't seen in so long shining out at her. "Yes?" 

"Let me take you home?" 

"Your home?" 

He shakes his head, pretending not to see the disappointment in her eyes. "Our home now. You need a friend, I know just the man for the job." 

"Xander?" 

"Yeah Will?" 

She smiles and pulls him back into another hug. "You always know exactly what to say." 

* * *


End file.
